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WHY DO PEOPLE LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?
Welcome to your Love Column!
If you have a question about your relationship or love life, please write it in the comments below.
Today, we’re answering a question from Amy, who writes, “We weren’t even fighting. He said he loves me, then shortly after blocked my calls and sent his brother for his things. I haven’t heard a word in days. I’m desperate to understand why. Do I wait for him to at least tell me why or is he gone?”
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s very confusing, and of course, you want to know why.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this story. In fact, it’s very common! And the timing of it offers us a clue about why this occurred. He just told you he loved you, and for many people, “love” represents pain. It represents the dysfunctional relationship we witnessed our parents trying to navigate. For your partner, the word “love” probably carried a heavy burden, and the fear of his declaration was so unsettling to him that he bailed on the relationship.
But our minds want to know why because we think that if we know the reason, we can prevent it from happening again in the future. We worry that maybe we said or did something wrong to make this happen. I promise you, Amy, that’s not the case. Even if you did say or do something he found offensive, his drastic actions are showing you that he isn’t capable of a healthy relationship. Anyone who picks up and leaves without a word doesn’t have the capacity for a long-term marriage or partnership. Marriages and long-term relationships depend on the ability to express a complex variety of feelings. Clearly, he couldn’t do that.
So even though this is painful, consider it a blessing. You found out fairly quickly (after he said “I love you”) how unsustainable the relationship really was. You have evolved through this experience, and you have even more clarity now about what you want (a person who is comfortable with feelings and expressing feelings). So as you continue to date and move forward with your life, hold this new intention to meet someone comfortable with emotion. If someone shows up who has the issues this man has, you’ll see it coming a mile away, and you won’t need to have this experience again.
Sending you love,