Being pregnant – we are often told – is one of the most magical times in our lives. It is said to be introspective and peaceful; we are told we will glow. We are told we will enjoy it. We are told many lovely things so that we can get through the many phases of pregnancy.
What they don’t tell us – as much – is the craziness we often feel (at least in the first trimester), how hormonally insane we tend to get, how bizarre (and yet normal) it is that a woman can hit the lowest points of her mood cycle only to spring back into joy and then back down into despair. All between breakfast and lunch.
This was the case for me my first 3 months, so connecting with my child turned out to be a lifeline, both mentally and physically.
I list the steps that I took to connect in the hopes it may help you through the tough times as well. No one taught this to me. It simply happened.
I knew I was pregnant before any medical visits or pee stick tests.
It was Monday night, and I was lying down for the weekly White Light session, when I entered the meditation and clearly saw a group of White Light angels surrounding a large, brightly colored gemstone that sat on the ground. I’d never seen this before in my practice, and when I came near them and asked what they were protecting, they sheepishly turned to look at me, as one of them said: “Your Baby.”
I snapped my eyes open, looked over at my partner and said: “I’m pregnant.” His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Let’s get a test tomorrow.” he said. We didn’t need one, but sure. I bought 3, and each of them read “+”. (I think the last one called me an idiot.)
The first few days after we found out were great, FUN even. We hung out inside the world of possibility and love!… and then the hormones kicked in and began making me feel completely and utterly crazy.
For the next two months, no work got done. All I could muster was staying in bed, staring at the ceiling, playing Candy Crush type games (which I’d generally loathed before pregnancy) and crying. “We aren’t ready!” “Why now?” “How will I do this?” etc., etc. and lots of tissues. My partner just brought me Camomile tea and hugged me when I let him near me. (Poor guy.)
Meanwhile, I was being told by helpful friends that I was dying. “You are dying, Kat. Whoever you knew yourself to be is dying. Just embrace it.” This was only mildly helpful, as we can’t really imagine who we will be after this trial, not at all. So it was often awful advice.
The connection with “baby” happened spontaneously one day, which turned out to calm and sooth me.
I outline the steps and my experience below:
1. Lie down and relax as much as you can
Whatever panic, illness you experience, let it surrender. Camomile tea really helped me the first trimester. Do your best for the first few moments just to keep yourself still and open for this experience.
2. Close your eyes and breathe deeply
Allow your body to go deeper into relaxation. If you don’t have a regular meditation practice, I always recommend starting with a guided practice of some kind. I’ve tried many and love the guided chakra cleanse, as it WILL calm you down. Do whatever you need to center as much as possible.
3. Focus on connecting to your child
If that means feeling into your stomach, go for it, although I noticed that for the first 5 months or so, whenever I focused on the “child”, I never saw the being as a child. I would, rather, be speaking to an adult that sat in front of me. It was never inside me, and it was never a baby. I didn’t feel anything in my stomach at all. I was told that the cells were in the very early stages, and that the being was hanging out near me rather than embodying the embryo.
I see it all this way: Earth incarnations are repeated, and depending on who is coming through you, you will, more likely than not, be dealing with a mature soul who has done this “earth thing” many times before. Don’t expect an infant to sit before you. If you keep seeing an infant, keep surrendering the image and ask who it is. The age difference may be telling you your soul age compared to the being you’re about to mother. It may be older, younger or same age as yourself. Pay attention to whatever makes sense to you.
4. Be open to whatever you receive. It’s sometimes confusing (and annoying. :)
My pregnancy was not planned, and it came at a time when I didn’t feel either of us were ready. Our home and car needed a replacement. I was living far from family, and my new community wasn’t rock-solid yet. My partner was healing. We had money issues. I mean, name the stressor, we had it. Everything was in flux.
So I would often speak to the baby and ask it why it came now, because all in all, I was TERRIFIED. Yet the conversations would normally go like this:
Soul: “Because it’s time.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Soul: “You’ll see.” Big smile.
Then the being would hug me and tell me stories of our past lives together. How we had known each other long before this time, and how we were great, old friends.
“Everything is going to be just fine. You’ll see.”
It was also clear to me that this being was older than me, because it was showing up as a more mature version of what I saw of myself in my meditation beside the soul. The being chose us, and that was that.
5. Do the work
My connection with the “baby” began to change, and with time, I no longer needed to hang out in the meditative space with the soul, listening to stories. I found that I accepted what was happening and was ready to do the work necessary to prepare myself and our home.
I felt that the connection of baby-body and mature-soul was happening, and the physicality of my experience began to take precedence: Find a home, replace the car, connect with people I care about, heal, work and put some money away, deal with back pain, eat well, etc.
We got to work, with the road literally being paved under our feet:
➳ We found a home 2 days before we had to move.
➳ The car we almost bought broke completely 3 days before the money was due, saving us an aggravation and an expense.
➳ The mold we thought was in the walls was actually in the old furniture we threw out (and finally began to breathe and thrive.)
➳ The friends showed up (and those who weren’t, were rapidly leaving).
➳ The family prepared visits.
➳ The moods leveled out, and I was happy and smiling and writing again.
The connection, the deep soul experience became physical and in the NOW. There was no escapism possible, not really. Every little thing that needed to be dealt with, had to be dealt with NOW or it would fall apart.
That was the gymnasium that many moms-to-be will tell you about – it’s as if things go crazy while you’re pregnant so that you can create the space necessary for the new (old) being to come into the world.
The child is the teacher.
The baby – it turned out – was a major pusher for circumstance bending, and a major teacher for how to handle new stresses and stressors. It became a teacher of TRUST and FAITH and MANIFESTATION through the simple art of BELIEF and ACTION.
It demanded I trust. My partner trusted from the get go. I needed convincing, and my quiet sit downs with my child, my teacher, were just what I needed to ground into what I was about to embark upon.
Give these steps a go and see for yourself what you may discover, what you may learn and how this experience will change you for the better.