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Hi everyone! This is the very first edition of Ask Jessica, your love and relationships column. I have been giving readings to clients on the topic of relationships for the last seven years. I’ve found that spirit guides always share uplifting, empowering messages that help to heal the fears and insecurities we all carry on the inside, the biggest one being that we’re not worthy of love.
After delivering so many messages to clients, I know that the following is true: You are worthy of love. You are perfect just the way you are. And you never know what the future will bring. Don’t project past disappointments into the future. Anything is possible! It is my biggest joy to answer your questions about love and relationship.
To get us started are some questions I’ve received in the past – on being attracted to someone when you’re not supposed to and having your heart broken. But leave your questions below in the comments section for next month’s Q&A!
Note: All names have been changed.
Question: I’m Happily Married, But…
Katie: I’m happily married, but I’ve been feeling guilty because I’ve been attracted to someone else at work. I love my husband and don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I can’t seem to stop feeling this attraction. How can I have peace around this issue?
Answer: Accept Your Feelings Without Judgement
Jessica: Hi Katie! The first message I’m getting from spirit guides is that you were not created to have strict control over your feelings. The energy of attraction simply occurs as part of life. Its presence doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t strong.
Moving through life, you’re going to find yourself attracted to all sorts of people. Marriage is a decision and a commitment, but it’s not a contract to stop feeling. Feelings are never bad. They arise (without our control) to inform us about what resonates with us. You have been noticing the resonance between you and another human being.
I’m also hearing you say that you love your husband and don’t want to leave him. That is wonderful information to have! It means that there is nothing that you have to do except notice the attraction. You don’t need to act on it or wonder if your husband is the right partner for you.
If you can give yourself permission to feel the way you feel when you’re around your co-worker without making yourself wrong, the guilt will go away and your fear will diminish. At a certain point, the attraction won’t take up so much of your focus because you won’t be afraid of it anymore. What you focus on grows, so if you’re constantly telling yourself not to feel something, that feeling gets bigger, and your worry escalates.
The connection you have to your husband when you’re not judging yourself can withstand feeling naturally drawn to another human being. I’m getting the message that this feeling of attraction is in your life to help you learn to accept yourself unconditionally, which means accepting your feelings without judgment.
You are not bad or wrong. Don’t punish yourself for simply having a feeling. Just love yourself.
Question: Can’t Move On From My Ex
Darlene: I have been devastated for the last year and a half after my boyfriend broke up with me. I have tried dating others, and I just can’t seem to move on. I feel like he’s my soul mate. What can I do to move past this?
Answer: Open Yourself to a New Dream
Jessica: Hi Darlene! I can feel how frustrating this has been for you. When I ask spirit guides why it’s been so difficult to move on, they give me the message that when your boyfriend broke up with you, you felt like your dream of the future disappeared. You had been planning and dreaming about what your life would look like with him as your life partner. When he broke up with you, you felt like you couldn’t have that life anymore.
Spirit guides want you to know that you can still have that life — and all the happiness and fulfillment that you were imagining. It just won’t be with him.
Another reason it’s hard for you to move forward is because you have decided that he’s your one and only soulmate. When you say that, you unknowingly shut the door on all the other soulmates out there. You tell yourself that you can’t have that kind of connection with anyone else. This story isn’t true, and it’s the real source of your pain.
We have multiple soulmates. Some are fleeting, entering and leaving our lives to help us learn something, while others are more long-term. Soulmates can be friends and family members, too.
When you say that you’ll never love anyone else, you close your heart.
When you say that you were meant to be together, you are telling God that you know more about who you’re meant to be with, and what’s supposed to happen, than She does.
Honor the loss of the dream you were dreaming when he was in your life, and then allow yourself to open to new possibilities. Have faith in your love life. You can still have the marriage and the close partnership — just with someone you haven’t met yet. Let the unknown become exciting!
The last message I’m getting is that you have allowed his “rejection” to define your value. You worry that you are not enough, that if he couldn’t love you enough to stay together, then maybe you are not lovable. Your guides encourage you to let this fear go. You are completely lovable, and you are always enough, no matter what.
If you can love yourself, you will not need him to come back into your life so you can prove how lovable you are. You are already lovable, simply because you exist. You are more than enough. So the answer to the question, “What can I do to move past this?” is to love yourself. Self-love (which means self-acceptance) is the most powerful healing force in the universe. The more you love who you are, the more you will attract that quality of unconditional love back to you in the form of a soulmate.