Welcome to your December love column on Numerologist.com! If you have a question about love or relationship that you would like to have answered in the next column, please write it in the Facebook comments below.
Devin writes: “I’ve been on a whirlwind for the last seven years with a man that loves me like crazy but has also brought so much pain due to his unstable mental disorders. He’s been diagnosed as compulsive and impulsive, bipolar, and with depression that he does not treat. He’s also an alcoholic and substance abuse. We can’t communicate so nothing ever gets resolved, which results in us being on again, off again. Somehow, I’ve allowed him to tear me apart and I feel battered but I still can’t let him go. I’m not me without him and life doesn’t make sense without him. Please help me!”
First of all, you are not alone. So many can relate to the heartbreak that comes from loving someone who needs professional help, but won’t accept it.
His mental instability is out of your hands. There is nothing you can do to fix or heal him. If he has no desire to heal, there is nothing you can do that will make this relationship work the way you want it to. There’s tremendous freedom in that because you get to stop trying to fix this and let it be what it is.
Your inner child may not wish to stop trying to make this work, because you may have learned as a child that you have to save or rescue someone to be worthy of love. You may need to do some inner work with yourself in order to realize that you never need to fix or heal anyone to be worthy. You are worthy already.
I hear you saying that you are not happy with him, and you are not happy without him. You are giving him the power to make you happy or unhappy, but the ability to be truly happy only resides with you.
This relationship is an addiction for you. It distracts you from the uncomfortable feelings that are always trying to rise to consciousness in you. If you can learn to witness and acknowledge all your feelings, life without this man will become much more tolerable to you.
You don’t have to leave him. You can stay on this roller coaster for the rest of your life, if you like. No matter what you decide, you can access your own inner peace and contentment. I suggest meditating every day to connect with your Source. When you connect with yourself and your feelings, you are whole and complete, even when you feel unhappy.