rejectionOne of the most frequent messages I receive from spirit guides during readings for people going through painful breakups, is how lovable they really are, and how the end of the relationship — no matter what caused it to end — isn’t their fault.

When you’re going through the pain of loss, your spirit guides want to help you remember who you really are, and what happened when you came to Earth.

When you were first born, you were totally authentic and totally “you.”

You weren’t worried about what people would think of you, or if you were having a bad hair day. You didn’t need the love and approval of anyone on the outside to feel good about yourself. You had just gotten here from a heavenly realm where you knew, without question, your divine perfection and your nature as Love itself.

As you matured enough to understand language, the well-meaning people around you started downloading all of their beliefs about what was right or wrong into your mind. They taught you their definition of a “good girl” or a “good boy.” If you cried or got angry, they probably told you to go to your room and not come out until you could be who they wanted you to be. And so, you received the message that the emotions bubbling up from your gut to be witnessed and heard, were wrong.

Do you recognize this from your childhood?

Even if you had the most loving parents, you still may have received subtle messages to tone down the real you, to bottle your emotions and “behave.” For the first time since leaving Heaven, you perceived yourself as a “bad girl,” or a “bad boy.” It was a shock to your system to learn that you weren’t perfect and beautiful the way you were. Even worse, you learned that you could be rejected and sent away from the tribe for simply being yourself. While you may not remember it, this was the first major heartbreak of your life.

Rejection to a 3 year-old child is terrifying. At that age, we know instinctively that if people don’t love us or take care of us, we’re going to die. We’re simply not big enough to care for ourselves and some primal part of us recognizes this. Later, when we face rejection as an adult in romantic relationship, it’s a life-or-death scenario to the little child within.

This is just one of the reasons you might feel so devastated when a relationship ends. If someone breaks up with you, it echoes the very first time you were hurt as a child, when the people you loved the most threatened to take their love away if you couldn’t behave. It reinforces the idea that there’s something wrong with you, that you’re flawed and unworthy of love. Rejection as an adult touches the core wound of childhood when we were rejected for being ourselves.

dealing with rejectionYour spirit guides want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.

You’re not flawed, or broken. You are still perfect and beautiful just the way you are, in every way. You are worthy of love. You are still that divine, innocent person that you were when you were born.

Many of my clients automatically assume that rejection in a relationship is their fault. Having forgotten the truth of who they are, they assume they aren’t good enough, pretty enough, interesting enough or (fill in the blank) enough to hold another person’s attention or make a relationship work. Does your mind automatically try to figure out what you did wrong, and how you could have behaved differently to keep someone’s love?

Break-ups happen for all kinds of reasons…

But I can promise you one thing: it’s not because you’re not good enough.

Your relationships haven’t failed because you’re not talented or smart or beautiful enough. The real truth is that you never stopped being an expression of the Divine. Your nature was, is, and always will be Love.

If you can let this truth in, and let go of the lies you were given about what’s good and bad or right or wrong with you, you’re on your way to reclaiming the perception of yourself as the Divine — which means that you remember who you really are.

When you remember who you are, you still feel the pain of loss, but you love and respect yourself so much that there is no blame, guilt, or self-abuse. And one day, you wake up, and the pain is gone, having carried you from one shore to the next. And you can begin again.

About Jessica McKay

Jessica McKay is an intuitive counselor and the author of The Wisdom of a Psychic Cat ~ 15 Lessons on Happiness for Humans. She is co-author of When Heaven Touches Earth by James Van Praagh and others. Jessica offers private readings and energy healing sessions at

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