An emotional roller coaster or a blissful sunshine of happiness?
When we address the subject of emotions, we surely hit the core of our being!
As stated previously we learn from our parents and the people close to us during our childhood.
Through the thousands of clients that I’ve helped over the years, it was very noticeable to me that 90% of people’s core issues are associated with their experiences as children and the lack of nourishment of their inner child. Many were suppressed from expressing emotions from a tender age, their voices unheard, and their self-esteem beaten down, being imposed upon to respect parents and their elderly as an obligation.
Mastering your emotions is a must, and all parents should allow their children to express their inner feelings without shutting them down just for the simple reason that they can’t comprehend what one feels. If this was a crime that was to be given a jail term, I can assure you that by now, many would be facing heavy jail sentences.
The inability to express yourself as a child and constantly being shut down and undermined, will in adulthood create severe emotional issues that sometimes are irreversible.
When a child starts their journey of communication, it can be a bit frustrating for both parents and children learning the language in itself. It’s a challenge but I can assure you, if you choose to really pay attention to the body language of a child, that speaks a million words, especially to mums as they have a deeper connection with the child and their needs. During this stage of development, the father should take part as a mediator.
It is very important to once again reinforce that children will copy everything we do as parents and that we are their role models for a future happy, amazing and confident adult. We create memories every day in our children, the caring mum that we could speak to as a friend, the hard dad that was putting me down and so on.
I can give you an example from my own life.
My father was the most loving caring human being that could cross your path, I learned from him about honour, family, compassion for others, which is opposite to the memories I have of my mother as a cold hearted, unsatisfiable person, devoid of emotions. Regardless of what her children did, it was never good enough or to her standards. I had choices in life to make as I became an adult, to hold on with all my heart to the goodness I learned from my dad or to become like my mother. I chose the lessons from my dad. I also made a choice to learn how to be the best I could be to give my children an amazing start in life, reinforcing all that is positive in them, letting them speak their minds and correct them from a positive perspective, boosting their inner core, nurturing their inner child. Even in the moments that a child is being naughty you will need to have the ability to show them the right from wrong in a positive and empowering way, without physical or emotional punishment and that is of extreme importance during the development of a child’s communication skills.
Having the ability to express yourself freely is truly blissful.
Learning how to express your deepest of emotions to your parents is one of the most liberating actions and the biggest gift you can give to your child. Always remember that you as a parent will never be able to impose respect, if you choose that path you will have a child that will not respect you but will surely be fearful of you and they are two separate issues that many people are very easily confused about. Respect you earn, and this applies to both adults and children.
As parents and human beings, we should bring awareness to our ego and pride as these two, are the most important emotions that can break one’s soul and cause deep emotional traumas. All parents want the best for their children, and the best start in life you can give to your child is the ability to speak their “truth” without shutting them down, to teach them how to speak what they feel in a loving and kind way, as when you speak how you truly feel you are not doing it to hurt other people’s feelings, but simply expressing how your heart and soul is vibrating.
Correcting one’s mistakes is a must, but again it should be done from a place of love, taking into consideration other’s feelings and the reason for it in the first place, it’s not by going nuts, screaming and shouting that it will go anywhere, on the contrary. The irony is many parents choose that approach, not realizing that the child is mimicking their own behavior, I wonder how many parents put themselves in time out or the naughty step when they make a mistake.
Now one of the most powerful words to teach yourself and your child is to say “SORRY”. But, guess what – sorry seems to be the hardest word in most people’s vocabulary, again due to their ego and their pride. To many parents, it is unthinkable to apologize to their child if they get it wrong, due to their parenting skills. Let’s be realistic here, every child is unique, every parent is unique, every being on this planet is unique and no matter how many books are written about parenting, yes for sure we will get it wrong, many times over, in fact, that is the beauty of being unique and having the opportunity, every morning as we wake up to re-write our book of life. Teaching your child and yourself to be humble and to apologize is a sign of inner strength and above all one of the biggest teachings you will bring into your child’s life. At the end of the day, just because you are a parent does not mean that all you do is right and that we are without flaws, it makes you human!
Our center of emotional well-being is our Solar Plexus.
The Solar Plexus Chakra
Stated development: from 18 months to 4 years in some children late into 8 years
This chakra is situated in the upper abdomen area below the diaphragm (stomach area), it is translucent yellow, bright like the sun and it is associated with deep emotions, will-power, self-esteem, self-image, vital energy, free will and responsibility.
When the solar plexus chakra is in balance…
It will bring to the individual the sense of tranquility and deep inner peace and harmony, acceptance of self, a deep respect for nature and others’ feelings and emotional state of being, amazing care for the well-being of humanity, very responsible, confident, fantastic sense of humor, a true joy to be around.
When it is out of balance…
It can affect all the above organs and it is also associated with arrogance, overt aggressiveness, domination, controlling, blaming, manipulative, power hungry, stubbornness, hyperactivity, excessively ambitious and competitiveness. The impact on the physical body can be associated with arthritis, poor digestive system, ulcers, colon and intestinal problems, anorexia or bulimia, diabetes, gallstone, liver and pancreatic illnesses.
Some traumas like shaming, or over authoritarian behavior, physical abuse, fear of punishment, age inappropriate responsibilities and tasks, inherited shame from parents, can have a major impact on a child’s emotional, physical and mental health.
During this stage of development, the child develops emotional support from both parents.
It’s their foundation for a blissful adult life. It will create the tools and awareness needed to face all challenges that life will bring from a high positive perspective. During this period the child will begin to explore their own ego, their sense of autonomy, self-esteem, self-respect and for others and learns how to integrate in a group, being the family or children that s/he interacts with. A lack of integration will repress the feelings from the body and from the center of emotional well-being, creating total disassociation from all the previous stages of development.
During this stage most children will be introduced to nursery or pre-school, having the ability to speak out and stand their ground is also very important.
Many people say that children can be very cruel with what they say because they tell you as it is. We as adults sometimes do not like to hear the truth. Truth is like surgery it can hurt, but surely it will heal your soul.
Take the time to hear your child. Bedtime stories are lovely. Ask your child `how was your day?’ and let them express their emotions, giving them support and re-enforcing the good actions and behaviors’ and teach them how they could do better in the areas that need improvement.
Simple Exercises To Support The Development Of The Solar Plexus
At a tender age you can support your child by doing some simple exercises that will support the development of their solar plexus, for example from 7 months most babies can turn in their bellies, put your hand under their tummy and gently lift them up for 3 seconds, like when you do a push up. Also if and when you introduce new solid foods in their diet and you see that they are not taking them very well make sure that you add at least one food that is yellow – the same colour of the chakra. As the child’s intake of various foods comes into place it is important to give them foods that support their chakra system, foods that are the same colour of the chakras, for example, red apples, for root chakra, orange for sacral, banana for solar plexus and so on. Also you can use crystals like citrine, amber yellow topaz if your child is having problems with their digestive system.
Next time I’ll be addressing the fourth Chakra – The Heart Chakra… a loving caring heart, both chakras are connected and interlinked in a very strong way… Stay tuned.
Lots of love and light,