If you’re like me, you’ve probably suffered from the occasional crippling, action-eating self-doubt that left you wondering how you can surrender to “God”, “Source”, etc., and still be autonomous, here to contribute your wisdom and uniqueness to the world.
If you’re like me, you’ve probably bounced between “cleaning up” your psyche, act, karma, stuff and moving forward with your desires.
Where Is God?
And if you’re like me, you’ve been aware of the contradiction between much of new-age spiritually that most of us try to pursue these days and the Judeo-Christianity that many of us were given as children:
1. We are here to be the cause in the matter of our own lives, to be “Power Rangers” of assertion and creativity.
2. We have our wills to exert but only when we’re truly moved to it by the Universe, God, etc., and not by ego, so hang tight until you’re clear.
The two “options” above have boiled down to these fundamental questions:
When should I assert myself and when should I accept what’s before me?
Is that dream I have, that desire, all ego or a true intuitive hit of what’s for me?
Should I pursue it or wait?
In other words: how can we live a life of meaning and manifestation when we often find ourselves sitting on our hands, manifesting nothing, fearful of doing it for the wrong reasons?
The Divine Inside
Now I wasn’t a psychic kid. I was just very empathic and connected to my personal concept of God discovered at around 5, with no religious training (I was born in the former Soviet Union, where my Christian half was unexplored and my Jewish half was hidden from me until we moved to the States at 9).
My young kid prayers – spoken while holding my large stuffed frog to my heart – always involved making sure my parents didn’t die on their way home from work (don’t ask) and questions I would pose to her, that I would ask her to pass on to God.
I remember the moment I realized that the answers she would “bring back” would actually arise within my own mind.
The conclusion I drew was “God must be inside of me.”
This was good enough until I went to Hebrew school in NYC at 9 and got worse as I began to explore spirituality as a teen, marching, first, through the dogmatic doors of the modern Gnostic church – with its strange mix of empowered disempowerment and tantric convolutions; through the short doors of a Peruvian shaman who helped me to disprove the madness that we are inherently faulty and discover the magic of my mind; on to Buddhism; on to the Human Design system; on to Eastern and Western Astrology and ultimately to the simplest work of all – meditation and working on my chakras.
It was in this last system-less system of that I finally found peace, a way back to my 5 year old self, a way to remedy the seeming incongruity of being “the surrendering party” AND “the creative one.”
Surrender To Yourself
As I cleaned and cleared the stress and confusion, as I calmed my inner turmoil, I began to step back from the question of “just how I am supposed to live in a balanced way with all these beliefs sparring endlessly in my head?”
After much meditation on it all, I began to find solace in the following logic:
If we ascribe to the idea that we are pieces/parts of God manifest in human form, then we must also ascribe to the idea that every being we meet is a piece/part of God too.
And if look at what God is, we quickly remember that whatever IT is, it is first and foremost creative. Highly creative.
So if 1 is true, and 2 is true, it must imply that each of us is also a highly creative God-particle.
And if we are highly creative God-particles, then what exactly are we here to surrender to? Would that be “ourselves”?
Yes. We are here to surrender to ourselves.
Some channels, like Lee Carrol, whom I personally have never met but love, surmises, through his channeled guide Kryon, that we are holographic. This is not news to many of you, and we can assume that we exist in many places at once. In the case of Kryon, he tells us that one such place we also exist in is “Home”, a vibrational frequency “behind the veil”, where we remember everything for what it truly is, that we remember ourselves for what we truly are.
Connecting To Your Higher-Self
That place is where our “higher self” hangs out permanently, so when we channel wisdom, we are simply connecting to that higher-self, the part of us that is always connected to the high principle of its nature: God / creator / universe / what have you.
So what we’re actually trying to surrender to, as far as surrendering is concerned, is to our wiser selves, the parts who remember exactly who we are, what we came to do in this human incarnation and just when we plan on leaving, (because leaving is not really a tragedy to anyone but those we leave behind for a while.)
So when we surrender to our higher selves, the parts of us that have never left home, the parts of us that are always deeply connected to God, we actually surrender to the best thing we can possibly surrender to.
And once we learn to listen to it – through meditation (just pick one that works for you and go with it. I think eventually, people should make up their own way of connecting.) – we can begin taking orders fromourselves, instead of our heads, loins or misery.
The conversation with yourself might go something like:
“Hey, what the hell is going on here? My house is moldy. My partner is chronically ill. I’m pregnant and moody, and we need money.” True story. Guess who’s.
“Well. You’re not really seeing what I’m seeing.”
“Ok, what are you seeing?”
“Beauty. Surrender. Career change. Forced entry into a new life that you wouldn’t have chosen for yourself had you know that you’d have to go through ‘Mordor’ first.”
“Oh. So you tricked me.”
“A little. Keep walking. You’re almost out.”
Power Ranger action series? Check.
Both systems online.
When I realized what had suddenly happened – both belief systems were true but that much of the concept of “God” that most live with – myself included – was not – I felt liberated.
There was no one to answer to but my SELF. And that SELF knew better, saw farther and never wanted anything for me but sheer joy.
Blessings to you on your joy inwards! May you find your resolve and begin to manifest all that you desire.
Please share your thoughts and journey below in the comments. I’d love to hear your story!
About Kat Tepelyan
Kat Tepelyan is an award-winning web designer, brand adviser and coach with over 15 years of experience helping people with big ideas reach wide audiences and make global impacts. An intuitive, she has traveled widely, studying many spiritual disciplines, which she weaves into her daily work and writing.
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