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Hello everyone! Welcome to your January love and relationship column, “Ask Jessica.” Thank you so much for sending your questions about relationship last month. Please feel free to do that again in the Facebook comments below this column.
QUESTION: IS IT TIME TO MOVE ON?
Jen writes: I have been with this guy for almost 5 years now. He wants to get married, but I am not sure if I do. I have been married and divorced twice already. I don’t feel like we have a strong connection or are compatible. I feel trapped in this relationship. He controls every aspect of my life. Tell me if it’s the right time to end it and move on or do I stick with it and see if it gets better?
ANSWER: YES, AND IT’S TIME TO TRUST YOUR FEELINGS
The answer to your question is, yes, it’s the right time to end this relationship. I’m hearing that the reason it has gone on this long is that you don’t trust your feelings. Your spirit guides want you to know that you can always trust yourself.
The choice to stay or leave is totally yours, but this relationship is not going to get better. Five years is a long time to get to know someone. You can trust your feelings. Your viewpoint matters. Your perception that you are not compatible matters. It’s not just your imagination — this is not a happy relationship. When I look at your energy together, it’s clear that you’re correct: you are not compatible. You are grounded and would enjoy more aspects of your life if you were in a relationship with an accepting person. His energy is condescending, critical, and never satisfied. What that means is that he holds you back from experiencing life the way you would like to experience it. But you are not a victim; by staying with him, you make the choice to hold yourself back.
When you don’t trust yourself to know what’s right for you, you end up attracting partners that control your life and decide what they think is right for you. In this relationship, every time you try to assert your preferences or express what you feel, he denies your feelings and wants to convince you that you feel differently. You doubt yourself, get confused, and wonder if you’re wrong. You are not wrong, Jen. You know you don’t want to get married – especially to him. You also know you feel “trapped.” Allow these awarenesses to be enough to move you forward.
I’m also getting the message that you have often felt lonely in this relationship. This man can’t truly see you or hear you. It’s time to move on. You will be happier alone than with someone who rejects your feelings and tells you what they should be.
Your guides want you to know that you are strong enough to be on your own, and leaving doesn’t mean you’ll be on your own forever. You can always forge new relationships and share your love. I have faith in you, Jen. You’re going to reach a point where you trust yourself and your feelings, and you’ll walk away. Maybe it’s today.
QUESTION: HAVE I MISSED MY CHANCE TO FIND LOVE?
Donna writes: Hi Jessica I am 51 and never been married. I am ready for my forever love but find myself not ever finding love. Have I missed my chance or is he still here and looking for me as well and is he coming into my life soon? I truly do desire a relationship thank you so much for your advice and for all of the kindness. I am so grateful.
ANSWER: THERE ARE NO MISSED CHANCES.
No, you have not “missed” your chance. I get the message that in the years leading up to the present, you have been focused on making other dreams and goals happen. I feel like love and relationship have been “on the back burner” for awhile. I can see you shrugging your shoulders and saying to yourself in the past, “Oh well, if it happens it happens. If it doesn’t it doesn’t.” I feel as though you adopted this laid back perspective to protect yourself from pain.
Your spirit guides are showing me a picture of you from the past, watching other people go through relationship drama and not wanting to do the same. I feel like your defense was to hide or blend into the background and hope that no one would notice you. Of course, another part of you did want to be noticed, but it was still safer to be invisible. After all, if you were really visible, you could be rejected or passed up, so you got to work focusing on other things. It seemed safer and more realistic, but you never stopped hoping that you would be noticed, that love would somehow arrive.
The desire you’re feeling to create a loving partnership is your soul giving you the message that this love is possible. If you are willing to risk boldly putting yourself out there and being seen, which means risking rejection, you will find yourself moving toward this goal.
Your guides want you to know that dating can be joyful, and not filled with drama and disappointment. They show me a picture of you as an explorer with a backpack on your back, getting ready to set out and experience new things. No matter what you’ve gone through in the past, step out onto the road with the faith and expectations of a beginner.
Enjoy meeting new people. Take action to put yourself out there in whatever way feels exciting to you. I know it takes courage to do that, but your guides are with you every step of the way and you’re not alone.
I do, in fact, see a partner in your life — a warm, caring, and intellectual person who is curious about you and wants the same compatibility and companionship that you want. I’m hearing that sometimes you think it just isn’t possible to have this because it hasn’t happened yet, and you assume that if it was going to happen it would have happened already. But I’m hearing that the timing is perfect. There are no missed chances. Our souls always know when it’s the right time for us, and I’m hearing this is your time!
Move forward boldly. You can have this.