relationships numbersWe all want to know how to make the most out of our relationships. And even more than that, we want to have ways to see with whom we are most compatible and who is – well, maybe not such a match made in heaven!

There are many aspects to investigating and analyzing relationship compatibility with Numerology.

Let’s look at just one of those tools – the Stress Number.

This is a number that indicates the nature of the difference – or stress – in any given combination. When you know the stress number between you and your significant other (or with any other important relationship in your life), you can begin to understand the primary “issue” you’re working with together.

Or alternately, we can look at it as an indicator of a key to creating a powerful relationship together.

Calculating the stress number is rather simple.

Use the SOUL URGE (or HEART’S DESIRE) number. If you don’t know what your Soul Urge Number is, head here first.

Take the SOUL URGE number and your significant others’ SOUL URGE number and subtract them from each other.

For instance:

You have a 2 Soul Urge and s/he has a 5 Soul Urge.

2 – 5 = 3

With this combination, together you have a number 3 Stress Number.

Remember that knowing the stress number is just a small part of evaluating relationship compatibility. Yet it’s a good tool to learn.


1 Stress Number: When the number 1 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both embody your own independence, individuality, and healthy self-esteem in the relationship. This is a combination demanding that you’re both on equal footing together. An imbalance of power in the relationship is detrimental and erosive to the partnership.  Friction is reduced when you both prioritize mindful mutual support or each other and respect for each others independence.

2 Stress Number: When the number 2 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both are extremely sensitive to each others emotions. This relationship needs added TLC in the realm of minimizing conflict and having acute awareness of the emotional needs of yourselves both as individuals and as a couple. Partnership in its truest form is the gold standard for the 2 Stress Number.  Friction is reduced when each of you understand when you’re expressing your emotions or when you’re emotions are expressing you!  Meaning, there is a delicate balance between healthy emotional connection and expression and allowing undisciplined emotions to define the relationship.  Friction is reduced when you allow for healthy boundaries and reduce the tendency to be clingy or jealous.

3 Stress Number: When the number 3 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both place honest and authentic communication up front and personal. Nothing can be pushed aside, ignored, or denied with this Stress Number. In fact, your relationship can become super-strong and iron clad when you flow with each other and are an “open book” on all realms together. This is a fine combination for unlocking deep-seated emotions, locating them, and speaking your truth around the ebb and flow of your emotional lives, both as individuals and as a couple.  Friction is reduced when joy, playfulness, and optimism are part of the core fabric of your relationship.

4 Stress Number:When the number 4 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both work on lightening up and resisting inflexibility. This is a more “serious” Stress Number challenging the relationship to prioritize setting strong and supple boundaries. This relationship demands concerted effort and consistent hard work to make it work optimally. Yet it’s also an environment where setting goals as a team and taking your time to make them happen together can be highly satisfying.  Friction is reduced when you soften your approach with love and a heightened level of kindness.

5 Stress Number: When the number 5 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both work at your highest and best when you give each other room to roam – not away from the relationship – yet you both thrive when you trust each other and find excitement and freedom in the relationship while exerting a sense of independence. This is a match that’s highly charged with the need for versatility and embracing focused change. This is truly the “change is the only constant” Stress Number.  Friction is reduced when the “normal” white-picket fence life is not the expectation for your relationship and that you both want a sense of freedom and movement in your lives.

6 Stress Number: When the number 6 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both recognize the necessity to accept the perfection of the imperfection of everyone and everything – including yourselves and your relationship. With this Stress Number, often there is an unrealistic expectation within the relationship that reveals itself as self-righteousness and stubbornness. This is a challenging Stress Number, honestly, because it challenges both of you to delve into your actions around responsibility and unconditional love.  Friction is reduced when you get real and level  idealistic expectations.

7 Stress Number: When the number 7 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both make it a priority to spend time alone – in study, spiritual contemplation, or simply to routinely enjoy private down-time separately so that when you reconvene, you’re both ready and open to each other rather than over-whelmed or preoccupied. This Stress Number also suggests that you’ll benefit in creating a spiritual base together – or alternately it will challenge you to establish your sense of spirituality, or investigate the lack thereof.  Friction is reduced when you both deeply trust each other allow each other to be on a slightly different wavelength.

8 Stress Number: When the number 8 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, your relationship benefits when you both prioritize empowering each other rather than feeling competitive. There can be some innate power struggles with this Stress Number. Issues regarding power, control, and authority will surface again and again. You’ll benefit from being mindful about softening your individual approaches with each other and create a forum for mutual support rather than jockeying for the “I’m in charge” status. This relationship often has a distinct focus on money and material achievement.  Friction is reduced when business is left at the door.

0 Stress Number: When the number 0 is the difference between your Soul Urge numbers, you have a unique opportunity!  The 0 offers either no stress or a lot of stress.  Think of it like the proverbial “glass half-empty or glass half-full” scenario.  You can have every issue in the world OR you can come together on a plane of absolute clarity.  Yet having a 0 Stress Number is actually a big responsibility.  When you see the 0 in Numerology, it is an amplifier.  And when it shows up as one of your Challenge Numbers (as an example), it is called the “Cipher Number.”  The thing to keep in mind is that the 0 contains everything.  It’s both empty and full.  It brings an energy of all or nothing.  So in fact, this Stress Number brings in a bit more responsibility.  There is potential for amazing personal, spiritual, and relationship growth with this Stress Number.  Remember that the 0 is an intensifier so understand that when you have the same Soul Urge number as your partner, you will have more intense lessons related to that particular number. Friction is reduced when you are truly mindful with each other.

9 Stress Number: There is not a 9 Stress Number.

About Felicia Bender, Ph.D

Felicia Bender Ph.D – The Practical Numerologist is the author of Redesign Your Life: Using Numerology To Create the Wildly Optimal You. She’s passionate about helping people use numerology as a tool to improve their everyday lives. She’s a contributor for The Elephant Journal, The Numinous, and is resident numerologist for See her at